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Although the emotions of divorce often make it difficult to admit that both parties contributed to the failure, in fact, that is usually the case.Without an analysis of where the previous relationship failed, and time to heal, there is considerable likelihood the mistakes of the marriage will be repeated in later relationships.Children must begin the process of living in two houses, often have to change schools, and they also must learn the complex task of remembering what can and cannot be spoken about in either home.Children and teens need time to adjust and make their own way forward.Can you imagine his experience finding her in bed with a strange man? When they become teenagers, how will you be able to teach them about responsibility and appropriate sexual activity if their childhood included a stream of your lovers that spent the night?If we focus on our children’s needs following a separation or divorce, we will hopefully slow down and keep our perspective as new relationships bloom.Examining why a relationship failed can be very painful, especially when not thinking about it is a comfortable coping mechanism.
Since new romantic relationships require an investment of time, that need will compete with the needs of the children.
Dating and new relationships can be complicated, but appropriately integrating children into a new relationship is even more of a challenge. From what I have observed, most people introduce the children to their dating partners far too soon after the new relationship begins.
Whether this is because a primary parent does not have sufficient free time to date when the children are with the other parent, or it occurs because of the loneliness that many of us feel as single parents, kids usually get involved with their parents’ new partners way too soon.
Moreover, if custody or parenting schedule issues are unresolved, the non-dating parent might seek to demonstrate that the other parent’s introduction of a new partner is not in the children’s best interests and should result in a change of custody or a parenting schedule change.
Finally, if the new partner has children, the demands of those children can further reduce the child’s needed time with his or her biological parent.
Meeting and dating a new person following a divorce can be very intoxicating.